end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
