Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
