There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
