Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
