To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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