just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
