I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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