dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
