I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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