i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
