how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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