Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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