I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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