That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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