The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize