At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
