Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
