I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
