Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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