He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
