You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
