I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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