Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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