dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
