I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sober January is a disaster.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
