I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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