I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
