great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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