so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
