You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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