I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
