first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
