hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
