I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
