Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
