Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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