Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
