My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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