i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
