Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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