i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
