I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
