Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize