I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
