four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
