how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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