There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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