it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
