It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
