how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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