Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
