It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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