I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
