So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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