I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
