what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
