Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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