just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
