I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
