I wish I could punch you in the face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you had me at cake vodka
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
