omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
