Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
