Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
