how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
