Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
