We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
