I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
