why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
