It's Friday. Sex?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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