They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
