ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sober January is a disaster.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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