Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
