Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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