After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just gift wrapped bread.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
