chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
