i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
