Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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