Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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