so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
