im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
