I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
