I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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