Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's paper in my vomit.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize